|
 KING
OF COMEDY
Lee
Maslin shares his take on the bowlers.
Paul and
Brian are in the chemists
"Hey
Paul, I’d steer clear of that bum deodorant if was you, it don’t half
come sharp."
"That’s
not bum deodorant Brian, it's normal stick deodorant for under your
arms."
"Well I
only followed the instructions, it said on the side ‘PUSH UP BOTTOM’"
Ricoh and
Smithy are out hunting in the woods, when Ricoh collapses. He doesn’t
seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. Smithy whips out his
mobile and calls the emergency services.
He gasps:
“My friend is dead, what can I do?”
The
operater says: “Calm down, I can help. First, lets make sure he’s dead”.
There is
a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on
the phone Smithy says: “OK now what”
Joolz was
being interviewed for a job as a general dogsbody.
The boss
asked: “I hope you can make the tea”
“Yes”
said Joolz. “I brew a good cuppa”.
“And can
you drive a fork lift truck”.
“Blimey”
says Joolz “how bigs the teapot?”
Clare was
driving on the motorway for the first time. She got on the M5 at the
‘Toys R Us’ junction and was making her way gingerly up the inside lane
when the car phone rang. It was Andy.
“Just
rang to say take care love” says Andy “its just said on Beacon Radio
that theres an emergency, because someones going up the M5 the wrong
way”
“What you mean ‘someone’” said Clare
“theres bloody hundreds of em”
Ricoh and
Joolz were going up one of the hills playing a round of golf on Himley
golf course, when suddenly, Joolz asked:
“Hey
babe, if I was to go and peg it on this hole would you get a new
girlfriend”?
Ricoh
said, “Of course not”
Joolz
said, “Knowing you like I do, I'm
damn sure you would”.
“Okay
then” said Ricoh “Being as you’ve gone and asked me. I would”.
She
then asks, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?”
“Yes”
said Ricoh.
Finally
she says, “would you let her use my golf clubs?”
To
which Ricoh says, “NO , SHE'S
LEFT HANDED”
Clare
and Joolz were talking during a recent bowling match
Clare:
“Our Andy has been expelled from college for cheating in one of his
exams”
Joolz:
“ That’s a shame are they sure he did wrong?”
Clare:
“Well, the first question said what does ISP stand for? And he put the
same as the chap next to him”
Joolz:
“Well that don’t prove anything”
Clare:
“The second question asked what does FAQ stand for, and he put the same
as the chap next
to him”
Joolz:
“It could have been just coincidence”
Clare:
“Yes, but on the third question the chap next to him wrote ‘don’t know’
and Andy put ‘Me Neither’.
|
